You love me but you don't know
by Leta McGotor
Summary: He loves her and tries to win her heart. But he makes a big mistake and loses her forever? Can she forgive him? MMAD


You love me but you don't know

Author: Leta McGotor

Nothing belongs to me, all to JKR.

It was a rainy evening in the summer holidays and Hogwarts was really emty. All students had gone into their holidays and a few of the teachers had followed. It was very quiet in the corridors of the school and it was easy to get the opinion that even Peeves had gone into the holidays. Surely there were still a few people in the castle.

'Minerva, are you going out?', asked the Headmaster curiously.

'Ähm, yes. I .. I'm going to London. There is a nice restaurant and I …I want to …yes. You understand.'

'Yes, of course.', and his eyes sparkled. 'Who is it?'

'I don't know what do you mean.'

'Who is that man, Minerva, you have a date with?'

'Nobody. I… there is … I mean.' She stuttered. 'Can't you stop with those silly questions, can you? I have other things to do.' She looked angry at him. Every day, really every day he asked her: _Whom do you love? Who is it you have a date with?_ But there are worse questions: _Why aren't you married? Are you engaged?_ She hated it because she wanted but she couldn't tell him the truth.

'Would you excuse me? I'm late.' He rose his hands as a defense.

'When you'll be back?'

'Albus. I don't know. Please go out of my way.' She gave him an angry glare and went out of her rooms.

It was dark outside when she arrived at the little restaurant. She loved it. Surely it was tiny but very comfortable. In the room were several walls. Therefore all tables stand in one of the corners. They were ideal for people who didn't want to be disturbed. Minerva loved the silence of the musik and of the whispered words here and there. Often she chose a table at a window. There was a beautiful view over an idyllic garden and the river Themse.

This day she decided to take one of these tables. She sat down and looked out of the window. The water of the river wasn't disturbed because there was no wind and no ship. The sky wasn't disturbed, too, because there were no clouds and you could see the stars which twinkled and reminded her on the eyes of … No. She didn't want to think about him.

'Is there free?' She looked up and in the smiling face of an unknown man. I hahe looked but every table here is taken.'

'Yes, of course.' The man took the seat opposite of her.

'This restaurant is very popular, I see. It's long ago since my last visit. Are you often here?'

'One or two times a month, sometimes less other times more. It's different and depends on the time.'

'Yes, of course. I don't have the time to go in a restaurent and if I have it I don't want to go. But today I have forced myself.' He smiled. 'Are you alone? I don't want to disturb you and your…'

'No, I'm alone. It's okay.'

'Why is someone so beautiful alone at a fantastic evening like that?' She blushed. It was strange that someone unknown took seat opposite of a her and talk to her as if they would know each other. 'Where is your husband?

'I'm not married.'

'Not? But there is someone you love, right?' She sighed.

'Yes, there is:'

'And why isn't he with you?'

'He doesn't know that I love him.' Speaking the words she found herself very silly. Here she sat with a stranger and told him something nobody knew.

'Why don't you tell him?'

'I can't.'

'Why?' She sighed again. She knew without a reason she would tell that man all. Therefore she started without further thinking:

'Well, I don't know why I'm telling you that and probably you aren't interested in my life. So…'

'Don't say I'm not interested. Maybe I can help you. So please tell me.' She looked him straight in the eyes. There was a twinkle which said her it was right to tell him and there was a warmth and she didn't know why she wanted to tell him but she had to.

'I know he would never love me back. I have fallen in love years, maybe one or even two decades ago. I knew from the beginning on that it was a mistake but I couldn't stop it. I tried to fall in love with another man but in vain. There was nobody I really loved like … like him.'

'You don't know if he wouldn't love you back. Maybe you should try to win his heart.'

'No, I can't. We are frinds and I don't want to destroy our friendship. I would have to go away from him if I had told him and he had said that he hates me for that. Telling him is the falsest step I can do.'

You tried to fall in love with sombody else?'

'Yes but nobody seemed to… I don't think I loved one of them. I .. I don't know how to explain but… I want to feel safe and loved. I want someone who can take me in his arms, someone who is there for me when I need him. It's hard to explain.'

'Why are you here today?'

'I don't know. Maybe I just wanted to think, wanted a distance between him and me. Maybe I looked for someone to whom I really belong. I don't know.'

So they sat there for hours and talked, simply talked. Some people gave them bewildered looks but they talked. He seemed to understand her and he really tried to help. He made her smile at some of his ideas and two times she laughed heartily. When they said good-by at two in the morning (after the restaurant had closed they walked along the river) they had planned their next meeting the following evening.

Arriving at her rooms in Hogwarts she let herself fall on the couch. That was such a wonderful evening and she didn't want to miss the next. He was a brilliant man. Well educated, humorous, he listened to what she had to say and he really seemed to understand. She smiled at the thought of his ideas, although they were useless but he had tried. She looked forward to the next evening and with a smile she fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning was awful. Her neck was stiff because of the sleeping on the couch. Very soon she got a headache and it didn't become better by her work. I fact she sat at her desk for hours without one real timetable. In the late afternoon she gave up. She couldn't concentrate on the timetables. She decided to work them out tomorrow.

Minerva went to her rooms. She hadn't a clue what to wear this evening. Yesterday she wore a green dress but didn't he mention that his favourite colour was red, did he? After one hour she was dressed. She had picked up one of her red dresses and was now standing in front of the mirror. She never had chosen a dress only because of the favourite colour of someone else but now she was very pleased with her choice.

At 8.00 pm she arrived at the little restaurant. He was standing in front of it with three red roses in his hands. He had a wide smile on his face when he saw her.

'Hello, Minerva, nice to see you. You look stunning.' She blushed.

'Hello Asriel, how are you?'

'Very good because of you.' She blushed again. Never in her life she had blushed so often.

'Shall we go inside?'

'A good idea.' He took her hand and led her inside.

This went on nearly every evening. He showed her some of his favourite places, she invited him to hers. The whole time she smiled even when she was back at Hogwarts. The first time he kissed her she was stunned and didn't know how to react. But after she had collected herself she kissed him back. At this evening her smile was wider than the other days.

At the 31st of August his expression was sad when he welcomed her.

'What has happened?', she asked worried after he had kissed her. He sighed.

'My dear, I believe we have to talk.' She stared and a shiver ran down her back.

'Why?' He sighed again and avoided her gaze.

'Tomorrow is the 1st of September. I'm not able to see you until the next holidays and this...'

'You didn't say that you are a teacher. I thought…'

'Yes, yes, I know but I had to conceal it like… other things. I can't say what it is because you would hate me. Therefore don't ask.'

'What are you talking about? I won't hate you whatever it is. Please…'

'No, Minerva. I'll break your heart with telling you the truth. Please understand me, do you?' She remained silent. Despair was to read in her eyes. She did't want to lose the man she learned to love.

'Please, don't go. You hurt me more with not telling me. Please, stay. I can't … can't without you. If it is impossible to meet we can stay in contact. We can write each other and there are weekends.'

'No, Minerva, no.'

'But it is a long time until Christmas.'

'Christmas? What are you talking about?'

'Christmas, the next holidays. You said until the next holidays.'

'No, Minerva. I don't think that it is possible. You would hate me.'

'I would never hate you. Don't go' She pleaded and hugged him tightly like she would never let go of him. Tears rolled down her cheek. 'Don't go.'

'Minerva, I have to. You would hate me for what I have done to you. I never said the truth and…'

'It's unimportant. Please.'

'I lied, Minerva, I lied. My name isn't Asriel. I…'

'Names are unimportant. It doesn't matter who you are. I love you. Don't go.'

'I have broken your heart more often than it should be broken at all. Nobody's heart should be broken but the last time I destroyed your heart in million pieces only to stuck them together and to destroy it again. Let me go. It's better.'

'No.', she cried

'I have to go now. I'm sorry for what I have done to you. You are loved, Minerva, you are.' With these words he vanished into thin air. Minerva sank down to the ground with tears all over her face. She loved him with all her heart. It didn't matter to her who he really was. It didn't matter to her that he had lied. It didn't matter to her what other people would say. But it did matter to her that she sat there, on the ground, alone and left. For hours she sat there cried her soul out of her. It went midnight and it went past midnight but she sat there and cried not able to stop, not able to stand up and go. She just sat there and cried. Sometime past two or three in the morning she fell asleep there, on the ground. It didn't matter.

At 8.00 am there was a meeting at Hogwarts. All staff members wondered why Minerva McGonagall was missing. All but one. Albus Dumbledore opened the meeting and ignored the protests of Professor Sprout, Hagrid and Professor Snape. After two hours it was done and the staff members went to their own work. Professor Snape remained in the staff room.

'Do you know where she is? Headmaster? Do you know where Minerva is?' Albus Dumbledore sighed.

'Yes, I know.'

'Where?'

'Severus, she … I'll look after her. It's okay.' With a nod Professor Snape left the room. Albus went to Minerva's rooms. One look told him she wasn't there not now and not the last night. He worried. He had broken her heart not one, not two but countless times. All the years he had hoped that she loved him back but when he knew he had made such a big mistake that he didn't dare to watch her in the eyes again. But now he had to look for her. He wouldn't forgive himself if something had happened to her. So he went out of Hogwarts.

Arriving at the place where they talked last night he didn't see her. When he cornered a bush he saw her red dress. His heard sank to the bottom of his body. She didn't move. He knelt besides her and noticed with relief that she was asleep. He didn't want to wake her so he sat down and watched her. After a half hour she woke up and blinked into the sun. Then she saw him.

'A … Albus? What are you doing here?'

'I watch you.'

'What?'

'I watch you. Minerva, I have to ask you for forgiveness. I made the biggest mistake in my whole life last night. I…'

'What are you talking about? Albus, we have to hurry up. The meeting the others don't wait hours.'

'The meeting is over, my dear. It's 11 o´clock.'

'I have missed it?'

'It doesn't matter.'

'But …'

'Minerva, stop interrupting me. I want to apologize and it is hard enough to form words.'

'Why? I don't understand…'

'Of course you don't. Please let me explain. I knew I had made a mistake when I was laying in my bed. I remembered what you had said and your tears, Minerva. I…I don't know how to start. It was that evening when you went out at the beginning of the holidays, do you remember? I asked you who was your companion but you hadn't told me. Therefore I went after you and found you alone at that table. You looked so sad and I couldn't turn around and just go. Therefore I asked you if there was a free chair. Do you remember? You told me you were in love with someone but you feared that he would never love you back and … and I listened. I said my name was Asriel. I …'

But he couldn't say more because Minerva slapped him. Tears were in her eyes again.

'How _dare_ you! You played with my feelings! You knew and you never said a word! I'm not a doll which you can play with! I'm a human being and I have feelings, too! But that doesn't matter to you! Not to the great Albus Dumbledore! I don't hate you because you didn't tell me the truth, I hate you because you played with me and my feelings! That hurt! And I hate you for that!' She screamed but she didn't pay any attention to the people staring at the two.

'Minerva, I…'

'Don't _dare_ and say you are sorry! I HATE you!' With these words she jumped to her feet and ran away from him. He stared at her vanishing figure. He knew he was guilty of breaking her heart and he knew she had every right to hate him but she was still the woman he loved. He jumped to his feet and followed her determined to speak with her.

Arriving at her rooms in Hogwarts he knocked but received no answer so he knocked again and still no answer. He sighed and entered her rooms. Minerva was kneeling in front of her couch. Her body was shaken by her sobs. Albus closed the door as quiet as possible then he knelt besides her.

'Minerva … Minerva, please. Listen, I didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't say you the truth. All the years I had hoped that you would return my love and I was frightened how you would react. I love you, Minerva. I will love you although you will hate me for what I have done to you. I know you won't forgive me but I hope that time heals your wounds and that we can speak together like normal people. Minerva, I don't want to lose you completely and … I won't.'

'You don't know. … You simly don't know how … how it feels. I understand you although I can't accept. I love you but I … I…' He pulled her towards him and held her tightly while Minerva cried into his shoulder. After what seemed like hours of quietness only disturbed by her sobs she looked up at him.

'Albus? Do you really love me?'

'Yes, I do with all of my heart.'

'Really?'

'Yes'

'You old fool, you and your crazy ideas.', she said with a half smile wiping her tears away.

'I see you feel better.' He smiled but still unsure how to react.

'Not yet.'

'Why…What…' But he couldn't form a right question because Minerva pulled his head down to her and brushed her lips against his. The kiss seemed to be endless and when they parted he didn't know what to say. Minerva smiled while whispering in his ear.

'I forgive you, you crazy old fool.' She kissed him again. They shared the whole evening together and only parted because of the arriving of the students.

'What are you doing tonight, Minerva?'

'I don't know. Maybe I'll sit in a restaurant and wait for a stranger to turn my life and love upside down.'

'In think that is a great idea. May I join you?'

'Of course. There have to be someone who turns my life upside down.


End file.
